Self Respect is a nervous system, not an attitude

I get asked this question so many times.

Truly, in the spur of the moment, I fail to give a valid enough response; according to my own standards anyway,

But here, here is your response, if you’ve ever asked me this question.

Why do people just listen to you? Why do you ask questions and deliver in a way that I want to answer? How do you do that so well? Why do I want to talk to you? Why do children obey you better than me?

1st, children do not disobey you to challenge you, or because they don’t want to, they disobey because your nervous system isn’t one they can anchor to.

Same as people, because deep inside, somewhere real, we still are the same tiny humans we once were. Just conditioned with lots of stigma, social rules, and embarrassment, and feelings we’ve experienced; so we no longer act from the depth and purity of our souls.

I, however, after I was done dealing with the bullshit life threw at me, I didn’t anchor myself to those feelings/experiences. Pain is information, not identity. Use it. Learn from it. Recognize the lessons within it. And move on!

The symptoms you are now facing, not being able to speak from your inner self, overthinking, overconditioning your own self, come from the memories. Those memories resurface as symptoms until dealt with. How do you deal? You understand.

Let me rephrase, your symptoms are just memories asking to be understood.

If you go back in time in your mind, think through the things that scratched you or hurt you emotionally, conditioned you to now act the way you do, and perhaps give grace to the situation, look at it from a new perspective, and rewrite the storyline as someone who is now experienced in life, and can see without biases, or without the very lens you wore whilst living that moment, as that little girl or boy, you’ll soon come to realize that when your mom or dad was screaming on the top of their lungs to you - they too, were living for the first time, experiencing that moment for the first time, or caught up in an unbearable amount of stress too. And maybe, just maybe, you can find it in your heart to take accountability that maybe, in that age, with that knowledge, you didn’t know any better and made a mistake, and they too, knowing what they know, dealt with it in the way they did. And maybe, you can find it in your heart to forgive them..

That’s how rewiring works. And once you do, you’ll come out to see that you have changed. You literally change. Ask a scientist for the science behind it;

I may not be a scientist, but I experimented on this in countless ways, and I can assure you that this works.

So now, why do kids obey me?

Because, though I have lived and hurt, I chose time and time again not to continue living- operating from that hurt heart. I choose to cleanse my heart, my soul, and my mind. And with it, my nervous system regulates. I rewire myself every now and then, I take back the seat of the seer, and go and understand my hurt. Why it hurt, who hurt me, and why I was in that place to begin with.

You can’t always find the perfect answer, but you can choose. And that is the most beautiful option we have as humans. We can choose. Everything is a choice.

You can choose to operate from the hurt that shaped you, or you can shape how the hurt affects you.

Once you have taken full control, once you can see everything in your mind, story, past, and present as you pick and choose, you can regulate your nervous system.

And in doing so, you will feel present.

And here is the kicker- humans recognize presence. And we subconsciously always choose and prioritize the human who feels the most present.

So, regulate the nervous system -> presence -> magnetic charm. When that charm gets inked with more hurt, you sit down again, take back the seat of the seer, rewire, and come back present again.

It’s a loop. Call it a cheat chode, call it escaping the matrix. To me, it’s discipline. An oath you take to best serve yourself. To stay true, you need to stay pure. To stay pure, you need to rewire, again and again and again. As long as you live.